A reflection on Matthew 18:15-20 for Wednesday of the 19th Week in Ordinary Time.
Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 18 is remarkably practical. If someone sins against you, go and speak with that person privately.
It sounds simple. It is not.
When we are hurt, our first instinct is often to tell someone else. We want reassurance that we are right. We want a witness to our pain. Sometimes we begin gathering people to our side before the person who offended us even knows there is a problem.
I understand that impulse. Hurt can make us feel unsteady, and being believed matters. There are times when we need the counsel of someone wise and trustworthy before we know what to say. But there is a difference between seeking guidance and building a case against someone. There is a difference between asking for help and spreading a story.
Jesus begins with privacy because dignity matters, even in conflict.
A private conversation gives another person the opportunity to listen, explain, repent, or repair the harm without first being publicly humiliated. It also requires something of us. We must speak honestly instead of hinting. We must name the injury instead of expecting the other person to read our mind. We must be willing to hear that the situation may be more complicated than we believed.
This is difficult in families, where old wounds often enter the room before we do. It is difficult in parishes, where disagreement can quickly become whispered judgment. It is especially difficult in a culture where conflict is often displayed in public and measured by how many people approve, share, or take sides.
Public shaming can feel like justice because it gives us immediate power. But humiliation rarely produces conversion. More often, it hardens everyone involved.
Still, Jesus’ words should never be used to force silence upon those who are unsafe. Private confrontation is not always appropriate. Abuse, harassment, exploitation, or serious misconduct may require witnesses, trained professionals, civil authorities, or formal Church procedures. A person who has been harmed does not owe a dangerous person a private meeting. Protecting the vulnerable is not gossip. Seeking accountability is not revenge.
Jesus himself describes a process that widens the circle when the first conversation fails. His teaching is not about hiding wrongdoing. It is about seeking truth carefully, with as little unnecessary injury as possible.
Perhaps the question is not simply, “Should this remain private?” but, “What response serves truth, safety, dignity, and the possibility of repair?”
There is humility in going directly to another person. We may discover that we misunderstood. We may also discover that the harm was real and must be named more firmly. Either way, direct conversation keeps us from turning a human being into a story told behind their back.
And when we are the ones being approached, humility asks us not to become defensive too quickly. Can we listen without preparing our rebuttal? Can we acknowledge another person’s pain even when we did not intend to cause it? Can we apologize without explaining the apology away?
Reconciliation is not pretending that nothing happened. It is the slow and often uncomfortable work of bringing truth into the light without abandoning love.
Jesus promises to be present where two or three gather in his name. Perhaps that presence includes the difficult conversation at a kitchen table, the trembling voice that finally speaks, the apology offered without excuse, and the decision to seek help when the harm is too serious to address alone.
Christ is not only present when we agree.
He is present when we choose truth over gossip, dignity over humiliation, and courage over avoidance.
Prayer
God of truth and mercy,
give us courage to speak directly
and humility to listen without defensiveness.
Guard us from gossip, public cruelty,
and the desire to gather others against one another.
Help us seek accountability without vengeance
and reconciliation without denying harm.
Protect those who are unsafe,
guide those who must speak difficult truths,
and be present in every honest effort toward repair.
Amen.
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