A reflection on Ephesians 4:7–16 for Saturday of the 29th Week in Ordinary Time.
I know exactly what someone needs to hear. I have the words prepared to go, the evidence clearly arranged in my thoughts, and I can use a tone of voice that says I am only trying to help. If I have rehearsed it in my head while loading the dishwasher.
Then Paul’s call to speak the truth in love makes me think twice.
In Ephesians, he describes a community growing into Christ, with each person contributing to the life of the whole body. His words make me ask what I hope my honesty will accomplish. Do I want to help repair something, or am I just looking forward to the gotcha moment when the other person finally realizes I was right?
After years of marriage, I know how easily a small complaint can dredge up the past. A forgotten errand becomes an opportunity to mention another forgotten errand from several months ago. My memory is just fine in this case. I can’t always remember why I went to the basement, but coming up with history to support my argument is never a problem.
Yes, sometimes there are things we need to say. Love requires honesty when someone is being hurt, when a promise keeps being broken, or when resentment is growing. Silence can leave another person unaware of something we need to face.
But it is possible to tell the truth without adding that extra sentence which is meant to sting. I know which sentence that is. It is the really clever one I am reluctant to leave out.
I also need to let the other person answer. Once I have decided what happened and why, listening can feel unnecessary. Their explanation may reveal something I missed or don’t understand though. I might even owe an apology of my own, a real inconvenience when I started off so well prepared.
Before the next difficult conversation, I need to pray long enough to remember that I love this person. Then I can say what needs to be said and hear a response.
God, help me speak honestly without using truth to wound. Keep me attentive to the person hearing my words, and give me humility when I need correction too. Amen.