A reflection on Philippians 1:1–11 for Friday of the 30th Week in Ordinary Time.
When my children were little, I usually knew how to help. Someone needed lunch, a ride, or a reminder to put their shoes on. There were difficult decisions, of course, but I had a pretty clear job.
With adult children, I sometimes have to ask whether there is a job for me at all. This has taken some getting used to. I still have plenty of advice, available with or without asking.
Paul prays that the Philippians’ love will grow in knowledge and discernment. I appreciate that prayer more as I get older. I love my children deeply. Knowing what to do with that love in a particular conversation can be another matter.
When my son volunteers information about a difficult day, I want to start solving the problem before they finish describing it. I am already lining up in my head whom they should call and what they should say. Meanwhile, they might simply want me to listen. My excellent plan has arrived before a plan was even requested.
There are times to speak plainly. If I see something harmful, love may require an uncomfortable conversation. There are also times when I need to accept their ownership of their decisions, even when I would make them differently. I don’t have permanent voting rights in their lives just because I worry about them.
I need to remember to ask, “Would you like my thoughts, or do you need me to listen?” Then comes the harder part: respecting their answer.
Prayer helps me examine what is driving my urge to get involved. Am I concerned about their good, or am I trying to deal with my own anxiety? Sometimes it is both. I can talk to God about it before I take it upon myself to fix the problem.
Paul has the words for the prayer I need. “And this is my prayer: that your love may increase ever more and more in knowledge and every kind of perception, to discern what is of value, so that you may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God.”
God, give me patience to listen before offering answers. Help me recognize when to speak and when to step back. Let my children find steady love in me as they make their own way. Amen.